Funny "story" ; title is "YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE LIVED IN NORWAY TO LONG WHEN............"

you start believe that if it wasn't for Norway's efforts the world would collapse.

...you only buy your own drink at the bar even when you are with a group of people.

...you can't remember when to say "please" and "excuse me".

...you always prepare to catch the closing door if following closely behind somebody.

...a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume that:
a) he is drunk
b) insane
c) American
d) all of the above

...silence is fun.

...you use "Mmmm" as conversation filler.

...you actually believe that there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.

...you know Norway's results in the last three years in the "Melodi Grand Prix" song contest (Eurovision Song Contest).

...it seems nice to spend a week in a small wooden cottage up in the mountains, with no running water and no electricity.

...you know at least five different words for describing different kinds of snow.

...an outside temperature of 9 degrees Celsius ( 45F ) is mild in mid June.

...you know the difference between Blue and Red ski wax.

...you don't fall over when walking on ice.

...you associate Friday afternoon with a trip to the Government liquor store.

...you think nothing of paying $50 for a bottle of 'cheap' spirits at Vinmonopolet ("the wine monopoly").

...it's acceptable to eat lunch at 11.00 and dinner at 15.00.

...it no longer seems excessive to spend $100 on drinks one night.

...you know that "religious holiday" means "let's get pissed".

...you find yourself more interested in the alcohol content than in the name of the wine.

...you enjoy the taste of lutefisk (jelly-like, bad-smelling fish) and cod prepared in any way, including fried cod tongues.

...you like to wrap your hotdog in a cold pancake.

...you associate warm rice porridge with Saturday and Xmas-eve.

...you can prepare fish in five different ways without cooking it.

...you wear sandals with socks.

...your wardrobe no longer has suits, but blue shirts and mustard coloured sportjackets.

...you don't look twice at business men in dark suits wearing sport socks.

...it feels natural to wear sport clothes and backpack everywhere, including the cinema, bowling alley, and to church.

...you find yourself speaking halfway Swedish with Swedes.

...you can't understand why foreigners haven't heard about Bjorn Daehlie.

…you don’t question the habit of always making “matpakke” (sandwich in paper – some sort of lunch packet)

…you know the meaning of life has something to do with the word “koselig” (cosy)

…you get scared when a stranger randomly starts up a conversation with you.

…you can’t stand leaving the country because people everywhere else are so nice, it’s annoying.

…you look away when you walk by people on the street.

…you vigorously defend whaling and enjoy consuming whale meat.

…you have two cars, a cabin and a boat, if not more.

…you think it's weird if a house isn't wooden.

…you earn more than you spend.

…you associate Easter with cross-country skiing with friends and family in the familys mountain cabin.

…you are shocked if it's not 2 months of snow every year, at least!

…you can see mountains and the ocean, no matter where you are.

…you expect all dinner parties and meetings to start precisely on time, if not before.

…you fall 3 meters, and don't get hurt. If you do, you're not worried at all.

…you get your hands on Norwegian chocolate and guard it with your life

…you are more afraid of the Customs than terrorists.

…you would rather miss your flight than not have enough time to buy the duty free alcohol quota.

…you order drinks at Gardemonen (Oslo Intl Airport) at 6 am

……you say ”oh well, down it goes” when served bad wine.

…you actually think that fishballs have taste.

…you barbecue when it’s raining.

…you have bad conscience if you’re not outside when it’s sunny

…you get dozy after only two days of sun

…you go for a swim when it’s only 12 degrees Celsius (53F) in the water and claims that it’s “fresh”

...in winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark - while only working eight-hour days.

...if there's a terrorist attack on the other side of the world, your first reaction is "oh my god, did any Norwegians get hurt?"